Not all moments on COPS are as funny as this. Just most of them.
Since telling cable TV extortionists, err Comcast, exactly where they can stick their high-speed cable, my boyfriend and I have developed an unusual pattern to TV viewing. Banished from the luxury of casual channel surfing we are forced to find something of substance to watch on Zune, Netflix or Hulu. We have become what I call “show stalkers.”
The side effect of this is two-fold: my boyfriend gets a near permanent mulligan on Xbox gaming (nice eh?) so he can earn points on Zune to buy better quality shows and movies. The other symptom is that once we find a show we like, we tend to get stuck on it. At one point I think we were taking down two seasons of 30 Rock per week. The pattern is simple: Hunt down show. Devour. Repeat.
After we examine the wreckage of what we’ve done, we can be a bit at a loss. We wait for the next available New Girl to pop up, or use episodes of the Daily Show, Soup and other staples to tide us over, waiting for the next big “catch.”
The catch we made a recently was a doozy, and one libel to make you guys get all judgey on me. We’re addicted to COPS.
We put it on one night as a joke and spent the next 20 minutes watching slack-jawed. Insane, inappropriate behavior, action, danger, choices over right and wrong… What modern reality shows try to attain with loads of scripting and forced situations, this show has naturally in spades.
I’ve avoided Cops for its full 25 seasons, shrugging off the spare filming and shame-inducing displays of America’s poor at their worst. My own inherent fear and distrust of cops, and frustration with a justice system that punishes crack more harshly than cocaine and puts people away for dime bags of weed, is also a bias I couldn’t get past. To get all social justice-y about Cops however, does it a disservice. It’s a window into particular world, one that is:
Funnier than Reno 911-
- A woman flags down the cops as they drive by, to complain that she has gotten ripped off. Instead of receiving a crack rock, her dealer gave her a baggie with a piece of plaster. She demands the cops help her get her 20 dollars back.
- The cops are called to a domestic disturbance, which turns out to be a food fight. A couple and their kitchen is covered with eggs, flour, and jam. “Looks like you didn’t leave any condiment out,” one cop observes.
- A heroin addict, busted for breaking and entering, asks the cops before they shut the door: “I’m super thirsty, do think we could stop and get a slushie?”
- Two people are caught rolling around naked on the ground of a front lawn. The cop can barely contain her laughter as the couple drunkenly tries to explain how their escapade has moved from lawn to lawn.
- The “hehe, panties” guy (watch this, trust me!):
A reminder that cops are people too- Sometimes they are dicks, and sometimes they show incredible kindness to people they just had to hop three fences to catch. Some are burly and others are towered over by giant transvestites. They get shot at, bit, beat up; not something your average person has to face while walking to the office copy machine. Living with that kind of stress is enough to make anyone hit the donuts pretty hard.
From cops.com
Proof of a real life zombie apocalypse- It’s not coincidental that almost every incident on the show involves someone who is high off their butt. Meth heads in particular are super scary, acting like shadows of people. In one episode a guy, awake for eight days straight on meth, crashes into a car with three kids. The family is ok, but the perp isn’t very sympathetic, barely able to focus his vision on the cops as they ask him questions. All meth dude can say is, “I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it worked out man.”
A way to identify different species of drug addicts- Twitchy, paranoid, spaced, incoherent, stumbling, nervous- It’s interesting to try and call out what particular drug is involved before the cops do, or searches are performed. Trickier, and certainly deserving of bonus points if you make this a play-at-home game, is when there’s a combo of drugs involved, or something unusual like spice or bath salts.
Like Nancy Drew, with tasers- Oh the lies! Often the lies perps attempt to put together fall apart as fast as clothes from a Wal-Mart clearance rack. Sometimes a slightly less-intoxicated person will craft a story that seems more feasible…The fun part is finding the fatal flaw or inconsistency in the tale: “Oh, now you don’t know where you put the baseball bat?”
Anyone else have a favorite Cops moment? Do you love the show, are sick of it, or think it’s evidence of the downfall of society?
Watching cops reminds me of how many fraked up people there are in the world. It also reminds me why I will never ever form a drug habit… Like, ever.
Once, Eddie and I went on vacation and the only English show we could find in our crummy hotel room was Cops. Make me wonder if that’s why our country gets a bad rap. Like, other countries are just sitting around watching Cops and Jersey Shore and shaking their heads at us. We need a show about do gooders… Or… Like legit superheroes. To get us back on track.
Hugs!
Valerie
Valerie recently posted…Am I too late for VALentine’s Day wishes? Of course not! I’m VALerie!
The show does make me pat myself on the back for not having a drug habit. I’ve messed up just about everything else, but at least I haven’t gone down that road.
I think I’m actually more terrified of people from other countries seeing Jersey Shore than Cops
Jersey shows make me want to track down these idiot wanna be stars and shake them. They make this state look stupid. And I live here… So, by the transitive property of equality (which is oddly enough the only real thing I remember from high school math), they are making me look stupid. And nobody does that… Except me of course. And my friends and family… And… Jeopardy.
Valerie recently posted…Hannibal Lector could learn a thing or two from my kid.
Nancy Drew with tasers? You make a compelling case…
I love me a good mystery!
I used to work as a 911 Dispatcher the Sheriff’s office so I saw this stuff all day every day. People have no idea what the police have to put up with . I once wrote a post about some of the crazier calls I got.
I weep for society.
Brett Minor (@brettminor) recently posted…Test Your Funny Bone #16
Could you pass me the linky for that post? I’d like to check it out
Sure.
911 – Horror or Humor
Brett Minor (@brettminor) recently posted…Test Your Funny Bone #16
I haven’t watched COPS since I was a kid, and while I rocked out to the theme song and became inspired to dig a hole in my backyard to hide in with a kiddie pool cover, I definitely don’t remember it as great as you are describing! I think it was because I was young and innocent. All I knew of drugs was that it would make my brains look like fried eggs. I am so compelled to watch it now! Did you start with Season 1? I also devour shows, and do not currently have one, as I just finished Freaks and Geeks. I’m definitely hopping into this one.
Ericamos recently posted…Another Time I Peed My Pants
I like the newer seasons personally. The old seasons date back to the early 90s, so if you like time capsules… Worth watching for the hair alone perhaps
I’m never seen the show, but I’m all in favour of the police being on TV. It gives them an incentive to play it by the book and polish up their acting skills. That drunk fellow in Las Vegas must have been drinking warm beer like an Englishman, because there’s no way he’d put a cold one next to his thighs. I believe him about liking to wear panties, though. It’s a pity he didn’t have the chance to change into those clothes he was carrying.
Gorilla Bananas recently posted…Balkans bush prank
The clip would only be better if he’d been wearing the panties, and they had to pull the beer out of them!
That is what I do at my zoo, find a show i like and devour it back, although I’ve pretty much watched most everything at my shack. Seen some of Cops too, not as crap as most of the reality garbage. As it does show how screwed up those high of their butts can be, sometimes all to scary.
Pat Hatt recently posted…A dVerse Bark In The Dark!
Drugs addicts are freaky, but weirdly fascinating
My brother watched a lot of Cops. Every time I went over to his apartment it was on. It’s like he played it on a loop. It kind of bummed me out, except for the episodes filmed in Vegas. Those were cool. If I ever change careers and get into law enforcement, I’m buying a one-way ticket to Vegas.
The Unbearable Banishment recently posted…Dreaming is free
The Vegas ones always crack me up! I guess the show used to bum me out more, but nowadays I like the reminder that I’m doing ok in life. The people that get into the worst situations do it to themselves anyways. The polite perps get pretty nice treatment
Well, it’s certainly good for perspective. There but for the grace of God…that sort of thing. We get to feel superior because we are! It’s the same reason I occasionally go to Atlantic City. Reality check. I’m not doing all that great but in comparison to the casino trolls, I guess I’m doing okay.
The Unbearable Banishment recently posted…Dreaming is free
I already miss 30 Rock to death. No more Liz and Jack… Gah! I have the first 5 seasons on DVD, so I have a few more left to complete the collection. But that’s my favorite way to do a TV series… the DVD-OD, just one episode after another.
I can laugh and be entertained by Cops for a few moments, but then I join Brett and weep for society.
bluzdude recently posted…A Touch Too Much
We saved the season finale of 30 Rock for a week before we watched it, didn’t want to let go!
I have never seen even one episode of COPS but I feel a new addiction coming on. I just looked on UVerse and see that today there is like 10 episodes. One of them is called Morons on Parade. This has got to be “must see TV”.
Cheryl P. recently posted…Went to Heaven in a Little Rowboat
People really can be their own worst enemy sometimes, this show is proof of that
The great thing is, you’ve got 25 years of episodes to catch up on. Dead serious, the show started in 1988 and is about to air its 850th episode. It’s a rule that an episode of COPS has to be playing on some channel somewhere in TV-land 24/7.
One year on vacation we happened upon a marathon of COPS and our entire family pretty much sat spellbound watching the complete and utter inanity. It was glorious but also depressing at the same time. I see some crazy shit in court every day. I’m living my own COPS reality, some days. I think I’ll pass on the show.
Misty recently posted…I’m Going to Disney World!
Yeah, I don’t think I could see the courtroom stuff all day, then go home and watch anything similar on tv. Bit of an overdose
Fun fact: I can brag that my uncle was on COPS. In the good way, too. He’s a top ranking US Marshall, and was featured exclusively in one of the episodes as he was tracking someone down. Also, it’s just fun to say “My uncle was on COPS!” because people automatically assume the worst and instantly convert you into white trash.
abeerfortheshower recently posted…A Public Service Announcement
Nice!
Great post, I’m laughing my ass off at this! You could make a drinking game out of this. Drink every time:
- Somebody says, “I need a glass of water!”
- A pulled-over driver blurts, “I just bought this car!!” while the cop is just stepping up to their window.
- Whenever somebody gets asked how much they had to drink, they always slur, “Two beerths!!”
My favorite COPS moment is a fat underage kid, drunk off his ass, who says to the cops, “You have the right to remain silent!!” before they even have time to say anything to him. He says this all through his arrest. It turns out, his mother in a brides-maid dress called the cops because her son is way out of control. When the cops get him to the station and put him in a cell by himself, he plays cops & robbers. He points a finger “gun” at an imaginary perp and yells, “You have the right to remain silent!!” The he proceeds to beat and kick the imaginary perp while yelling some more. Totally nuts.
Or:
Every time someone says “I have a little bit of weed,” and they find a gigantic freezer bag-sized amount in the trunk
The cops say: “They have a warrant!”
Or the perp is found with a gun. Double shots if it is larger than a handgun
I don’t know about you, but after watching that clip I somehow got the urge to steal my neighbor’s panties and put them on.
the blue grumpster recently posted…Getting ‘Boom Boom’ Cheeky?
The cops in the episode sound like they’ve arrested this guy several times. I want to see a future episode where they catch this guy in full getup.
No joke, I had a customer at one job who was a cross dresser and got arrested while in high heels. The cops were having a hard time keeping a straight face while he was going through the sobriety test
Tom loves COPS, too. One time we saw an episode where the cops show up at a guy’s house – people called the cops because of noise/sounds of struggle. He was drunk and wrecked his own house. A cop notices a table with a jigsaw puzzle tipped over and laments it’s a shame since he bets he spent a lot of time on that. Awesome.
Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted…Super Friends Season 2, Episode 10 – “Handicap”
It’s those quirky, “you can’t make this shit up” moments that keep me watching
Yes! I went through a period a few years ago where I was so addicted to that show.
Punky Coletta recently posted…Some Shtuff That Blew My Mind
LOL! I bet that was the first time those cops were called to break up a food fight! Still, it must have made for a good story for those people to tell.
Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous recently posted…Because second click-clack player is quite impressive…
Watching COPS is one of those things that the whole time you’re doing it, you feel like you should probably stop, but you just can’t. It draws you in! I don’t understand how the cops put up with all they put up without going crazy on people more often. And I don’t get why people take off running. It’s not like they’re going to just let you go and not chase you! Hello?!
My favorite COPS episode was one with a guy who was completely stoned and he had the 7-Eleven clerk call the cops to report his car had been stolen. But as he explained his story to the officers, it turns out it was people he had just met, smoked with, and then given money (and his car) to so they would go buy him more drugs. He was a trip!
Leslie recently posted…When Did I Get Too Old to Dance?
Haha, awesome!